Being in love.

I’ve watched so many of those love story movies that I have convinced myself that that’s how it’s going to happen to me. Not the whole “I lost my memory and deny the fact the Channing Tatum is my husband” kind of love story-I wish though-but just one of those love stories where it’s just perfect. Where your love creates miracles, lasts forever, where you know it’s meant to be.

When I was in seventh-grade I had the BIGGEST crush on this guy. His name was Diego. He played soccer, had a great sense of humor, had a cute, yet cheesy, smile. He was also my best guy friend and the father to my fake baby-the baby you are given as assignment in school-Javier. We were from the same exact place in Mexico, and knew the exact same people. I felt like it was meant to be. I liked him for over a year, and he knew, he just never felt the same way. ¬†At the end of the year he moved to another town and that’s when he decided he liked me back. Wonderful isn’t it? Right when he moved.. I, being in love or what I though love felt like, accepted to be his girlfriend. We dated for not even one month. He broke up with me the day before we made a month. I still remember what I was doing at the moment. I was in the car going home from Indianapolis, I cried in the back seat and didn’t talk to anyone the rest of the day. Sad Story huh? Not even. Anyway, the point is that I gave up on convincing myself that my love life was going to be a love story like in the movies. But then here came freshman year…

There was this guy I had a crush on at the beginning of my freshman year. I thought it wasn’t going to be a big deal, the crush would go away in a week or two and I’d move on with my life. But I didn’t. Month after month I couldn’t get over him. My whole world revolved around him, and only him. I tried dating to get over him but that never worked because he would come right back into my thoughts. He was a real close friend, and I knew that he would never date me. EVER. Around Valentine’s Day I made the choice to tell him how I felt, but I stopped myself. Instead, I waited. I chose to wait, I wanted to get to know him. I wanted to become his best friend and I wanted to gain that trust and love. I was smart about it this time, not like in seventh-grade. Maybe seventh-grade was preparing me for this guy cause now I knew what to do and I actually thought about it. Well as time went by we became the best of friends. I knew everything about him, we were closer than I expected. He gave me all these signs that confused me. I didn’t know whether he liked me or he was just saying things. I was confused to the extreme. It became harder for me to tell him because now I didn’t want to ruin our friendship, I knew he wasn’t in the search for a girlfriend, and because I wasn’t sure whether he’d date someone like me or not. Summer was almost over and then I met, my boyfriend. I felt like it would be the same thing like with every other guy, my crush would come back into my life and I’d break up with my boyfriend. For some reason though, that didn’t happen. I felt something different with my boyfriend, I thought that maybe he was the one that could help me get over this crush. Sophomore year began and my crush came back, but I chose to not break up with my boyfriend. Instead I decided to tell my crush how I felt. I planned to tell him in person, but he always canceled on our plans so I gave up and went the route I would have gone in any bad situation. I wrote it. I gave my best friend the letter so she could give it to him during lunch, and he never said anything. The next day I woke up to a message from him and he said what I expected him to say, “I don’t see you that way.” And our friendship ended right there. We never talked again and I hated myself for it. I lost my best friend, the ONLY person who knew all my problems. I still couldn’t get over him though and I didn’t know what to do.

I chose to talk to him the other day and I told him that I missed talking to him and that we should go back to the way things were before I told him. I faced my own fears and fixed my mistakes. I WAS PREPARED! Thanks seventh-grade. We’re friends again that’s the good part. Do I still have a crush on him? Sadly yes. Am I still dating my boyfriend? Almost five months. Now we have an issue. Am I in love with my crush or my boyfriend?

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